Ode to the Western Loo

I really miss a flushing loo,
A place to sit and ponder too.
Squatting to wee really isn't nice
'Specially on a diet of curry and rice.
Your feet get covered in slime and grime
The toilets here should be considered a crime.
And pail flushes - what are they about?
Throwing water down the loo makes us want to shout -
"We'd really like some toilet paper
Not this water hose caper".
So all-in-all, Asia toilets are poo
And trust us, that is certainly not what you want to do!